slemslempike: (Default)
For the past few days I have been having really painful occasional anal spasms. This is probably easily explained by a combination of diet and citalopram, but the Muller Light adverts from a while back have had more effect on me than I thought, because all I can think is that, somewhere, someone is blithely having inadequately lubricated anal sex, and I am paying the price.
slemslempike: (x: Red Flag)
Ooooooh. Ow.

Coil insertion - needles and blood. )

I bought a chocolate brownie dessert thing from M&S and I am going to finish reading Time and Tide Wait for No Man - Dale Spender's book about the early years of Time and Tide magazine. My main knowledge of Time and Tide comes from the Provincial Lady, I am looking forward to changing this.


Sep. 14th, 2006 04:35 pm
slemslempike: (jump: squish)
Yesterday was more needles. First off I had Hep B in my right arm. That stung. The others weren't too bad last week, though since my arm was still a little sore from Hep A, it probably met more resistance. Then two hours later I had my implant removed from my left arm. This was a much lengthier process. First of all I had to have a local anaesthetic jabbed into me, which is ow, and very stingy. Then we sat around and chatted about hair for a bit, and then the doctor prodded me to see if it was okay. Unfortunately I could actually feel the scalpel in me, so we waited further. Then there was an exciting bit where she said something about "oh well, it's not really sterile" and I thought that such thoughts could be left unvoiced when you're about to carve someone up. Eventually we proceeded, with a paper towel under my arm to catch blood. It took forever, because the implant had moved down below the insertion place and seemed to have been a bit embedded. She struggled for a while, and I could feel the flesh of my arm being squeezed and manipulated. At one point she asked for forceps, and really, the point of the implant was to avoid the need for forceps. But then she got it and it all came out.

Last night I could not sleep because of not being able to lie on either side due to various degrees of WOUNDEDNESS and got to the point where I tried to retie the bandage myself so that it wasn't quite so pressurised. This was far more difficult than I had anticipated to do one-handed, as I was trying to hold it steady with my chin, and kept getting my hair caught. Now I've taken the bandage off my arm because it was far tooo uncomfortable, and it looks rather horrifying. There is a large purplish bruise, and then the bit above that looks like some of the flesh has been gouged out. S'all right though, I have four steri-strips holding my innards in.

I had a lovely lunch with [ profile] nerdcakes today, although neither of us could understand anything the waiter said, and kept half answering the question we thought he'd asked, and they having to ask him to repeat it. We ate pizza. There was a huge amount of rain, and I am still rather damp.

Extras tonight! And it's the Orlando Bloom one, and I'm terribly excited. I went to see if there were any Will Turner figures in Woolworths yesterday and all that was left was Johnny Depp. Orlando! TV! Also starring Keith Chegwin, oddly. IT GETS BETTER! Liza Tarbuck! Lovely Liza Tarbuck is going to be playing someone in it as well. This makes me a tiny bit sad that she's not famous enough to play herself, but still, she will be on-screen and I am thrilled. (Sarah - I think that you were saying that there was other good TV, well, Extras is to be followed by The Mitchell and Webb Look, and from the Radio Times, the characters include "a pair of self-doubting Nazis".)

(I cannot decide between "your body is a battleground" and the woman with pins all over her, so instead I chose this.)
slemslempike: (Default)
I woke up grumpy and tired to my alarm this morning, lay in bed for about ten minutes watching Friends, and then realised that I had an appointment for my smear test this morning. Actually, this was a good thing, as it meant I could, and did, stay in bed for about an hour longer, which is always nice. Remembered to wear a skirt so I don't feel quite so ridiculous lying on the table.

Appointment was not too bad, a little rooting around to get a clear view of the cervix, minor discomfort with the scraping, and a compliment on having a relaxed vagina. I was pleased (I take my compliments where I can get them) until it occurred to me that this might not be positive, and spent a little while having a mild panic about that.

I was surprised it was so painless, as my first smear test was excruciating. First of all the table faced the door, which I know was locked, but it doesn't lend itself to calm genitals when you're spread-legged in potential full view of whoever might happen to walk down the corridor of a busy student practice. Then she had trouble finding my cervix. I realise that I have no medical training to speak of, but I know where it is. Vagina, end of. Unless there's a blind corner or a fork in the road of which I'm unaware. Then she scraped the spatula, making sure to get as many cells as possible by using a kind of sawing motion. And then she seemed surprised that there was blood in the sample. I can't imagine how that happened. Feh.


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