They are taking the energy from my office and using it to heat the corridor, I'm sure of it.

I have been hating people who, when you're in a perfectly normal conversation about generalities, suddenly smile condescendingly and say "you're talking to someone who...", where the ellipses represent something incredibly banal, and frequently almost entirely unrelated to the topic in hand. It leaves me thinking ...and? What on earth have you added to this conversation by saying that? I mean, my god, if I'd known I was talking to someone who has two legs, I'd have been more careful! Imagine how much of a fool I feel now that we've been talking about [completely unrelated subject], and I hadn't been told about the two leg thing! Think of the fool I have made of myself!

I have been being exasperated with toilets where they have very kindly provided a sanitary receptacle, but have chosen one that takes up the entire side of one cubicle, so that when you sit on the toilet seat, it cuts cruelly into your thigh, and taints what might have been going to be a pleasant evacuation.

I am also very taken with Robert Webb's sex arms. Specifically in Peep Show, when the lucky recipient has the camera on their head. I saw him do it live as well for the Mitchell and Webb thing in Preston, and very nice it was too.

I walked into a seminar the other day to hear a bearded man say very earnestly "of course, extremism of any kind is dangerous" and his neighbour nodding sagely. I eavesdropped shamelessly hoping to hear pearls of wisdom to steal in case I found myself in complex political discussion, but it transpired that they were actually talking about how cold the weather was that day, and how damaging the changing temperature was to women's skin.

What have you been doing? I missed you all trimmensely.