(no subject)

[slemslempike]

A man and woman just came and rang our indoor doorbell, and asked whether we lived above number 27. I have no idea, given the way that the flats zig zag from side to side, and said so. She asked if my windows were open, and when I said yes, said "oh then it MUST be you" and started saying that a lit cigarette had been thrown out of the windows, and she was an artist... at which point I said "nope, not us, we don't smoke in this flat" and she huffed and said "well who IS it then" and I said that I didn't know, because why would I, and then she started saying crossly it wasn't the first time it had happened, so I said again it wasn't me and started to shut the door. She looked outraged, and I went back to bed. Then the two of them clearly went outside to the garden and staged a loud conversation saying that people were very UNPLEASANT and such LIARS and if they had to be so disgusting then they could at least PUT IT OUT FIRST and it was so RUDE not to be allowed to explain what the problem was. (I am not sure what explanation is needed beyond "someone threw a lit cigarette".) (Nor do I know why artists are more affected by fire than other people.) Though I obviously know it wasn't me, and I don't think Ray is in and pretty sure he doesn't smoke, the conversation was right outside my window. I could have stuck my head out of the window to ask them which windows they were being passive-aggressive about, but if they'd decided it was mine then it would only have led to more ridiculousness.

So if you hear my block has burned down, it is because I have taken up smoking as an act of petty revenge and it's escalated too far.

Comments

[spiralsheep.livejournal.com]

Because nobody ever smokes with the windows closed then opens and closes one to chuck a fag-end out. PITY THE FLAMMABLE TURPS-SOAKED ARTIST!!1!!

if you hear my block has burned down, it is because I have taken up smoking as an act of petty revenge

You could acquire a cigarette holder to make it even more worthwhile?

[whatho.livejournal.com]

If it happens again you should just throw a small bonfire at them.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

Ooh, yes! A really long cigarette holder, which I could then use to smoke enough through the window so she really notices it.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

YES. With a tiny guy on top to prove the point.

[girlofprey.livejournal.com]

She was probably covered in oil paint, or flammable paint-stripper, SHE COULD HAVE DIED.

[cellardor.livejournal.com]

Well they sound delightful neighbours.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

SHE COULD HAVE WASHED.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

Well if this is the worst they get then I guess I'm very lucky!

[girlofprey.livejournal.com]

You don't understand art.

[blue-monday.livejournal.com]

Maybe you should have chucked a bucket of water out, then stuck your head out and asked "was it that one?"

[daegaer.livejournal.com]

The cigarette holder isn't going far enough, even if v.v. long - cigars are clearly the answer! You should also be seen rolling them yourself on your thigh.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

Ha! Next time.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

Aha! Yes.

[medland.livejournal.com]

I have an ivory one I inherited from a great great aunt, let me know if you'd like to borrow it. She was a woman in favour of petty rageful passive aggressive retaliations so I'm sure she'd have approved.

[katlinel.livejournal.com]

Good grief.

That would be the best reason for taking up smoking. I second the cigarette holder - it will increase the range of your ash flicking.