Pirate Crew.

[slemslempike]

From tiniago, this is my fantasy pirate ship crew. I am, obviously the captain. I have chosen my crew for efficiency and fabulousness, so hopefully I will have very little work to do.


1st mate: Sally from Third Rock from the Sun. She would be the best pirate first mate ever. Very efficient, and ruthless, and violent. She would enjoy the weapons side of pirating.

2nd mate: Fraser from Due South. He has to be second mate because he works better in a subordinate role, at least outwardly. He would be excellent for the navigating, and solving clues to get us to the treasure.

3rd mate: Donna from West Wing. She would be ace. She could be in charge of all the administrative parts of running a pirate ship, and of writing up where we had been and what we had done. I feel that running a pirate ship properly probably involves a lot of administration. Also she can be tricksy when she wants to, and would do well do be away from Josh.


cook: Killick (Master and Commander) would be a good idea, but clearly this would never happen. So he has been kidnapped by us, perhaps, and we are pretending that we are not pirates at all. He warms slightly to us because we take better care of our clothes.

cook: Reese from Malcolm in the Middle. An excellent cook, and he would also be handy in a fight if we let him out of the kitchen. Very ingenious.


Crew Members
1 Hanson. (JUMP!) He might be quite a rubbishy pirate, actually, a little too prone to complaining about how things were going, but he would like not having to pay taxes. And he would very much enjoy the dressing up parts of being a pirate.

2 Penhall. (JUMP!) He would be even worse, but he has to follow Hanson. Possibly Hanson ran away to sea without Penhall, but then Penhall followed him because they need to be together and look after each other. Perhaps he tortured Booker to tell him where Hanson was. And then killed him, thus proving his piratical worth.

3 Lucy Diamond from DEBS. Because the skill and the wonder and the helping people to understand their gayness. This is very important on a pirate ship.

4 Julian Clary. If we came across a bunch of people who were so physically tough that we thought our usual brutal methods wouldn't work on them, he would be brought in to make cutting remarks that so unnerved them that they are reduced to quivering jelly. About which Julian would make a decidedly single entendre.

5 Lawrie Marlow (Antonia Forest books)- I thought Nicola at first, but she is against pirates. So then I thought Lawrie has no scruples. Also, she would have seen loads of pirate films, so while Lawrie S Marlow might be a bit scared, Sophia Lawrence as Errol Flynn would be marvellously swashbuckling, and much better at the bravado and swaggering than Nicola. Bet she's good at climbing the rigging too, although she would obviously avoid this as much as possible. And she can't load the cannons because they bang at her, and everyone lets her get away with it.

6 Kim Kelly from Freaks and Geeks. I think she would get on very well with Sally, and confront her authority a lot while secretly trying to be a litle more like her.

7 Sarah from Press Gang. She is used to being bossed around by very scary people (ie Lynda) and would actually be so thrilled to be in a less volatile environment that she would shine like the star she is. We would let her use whatever kind of tippex she liked. She could work with Donna and help to type things up and write stories. She would be able to write a newsletter for amongst ourselves, and possibly to go out among the pirating world.

8 Margaret from Sense and Sensibility. I'm mostly thinking of the Emma Thompson adaptation. But she would be ace, and could help Fraser with the navigating. She would be used to piratical maps, and sword-fighting. She writes letters to Edward telling him about the adventures, but mostly out of politeness, as she thinks he is utterly wet for letting marriage to Eleanor stop him from coming to sea.

9 The main character from Stick It. I have only seen the trailer, and there is no release date listed for the UK yet (WOE), but she would be ace. She would break the law. OF GRAVITY. And that could lead to other laws as well.

10 Margot Maynard (Chalet School). We could harness her devil and get her violent tendencies under control, by which I mean bubbling just under the surface at all times.


Cabin boy: Phoebe from The Exiles. She would be very disconcerting, and if there was a mutiny, she would be the instigator. But in the meantime she would be good at finding things out, and cope well with a hardened life.

Comments

[ex-humanfema327.livejournal.com]

Ok I'm joining your pirate ship instead of jen's, even though i don't know who most of your people are either. But if Sally from third rock wouldnt make the best pirate ever, then i dont know who would.
Why can't i download 3rd rock?

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

I don't know. I own all of third rock, but I still quite often watch it on ITV2 of an evening. It's very comforting.

[ankaret.livejournal.com]

Oh, that is quite wonderful, particularly Sophia Lawrence as Errol Flynn.

Not that I'd want to be on any enclosed vessel with any Maynard, mind you.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

I think that of all the female Maynards, Margot might be quite bearable away from her triplets. And if not, you can order her about because of her training to Instant Obedience. And Lawrie would be an amazing pirate if she were pretending to be someone else. I was thinking of that bit at the start of The Marlows and the Traitor where she's not particularly surprised because of all the films she's seen.

[blue-monday.livejournal.com]

That sounds like a brilliant crew. I have to agree that Sally would be the bestest pirate EVER. As would Reese actually.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

I couldn't think of anyone who could actually cook, and then I remembered that he suddenly gets the talent. I do wonder if he's be quite so useful without Lois around as a spur, but I think Sally could whip anyone into shape.

[whatho.livejournal.com]

That's a great meme. And a triffic crew. And I want to say that I really like Margaret in Ang Lee's Sense and Sensibility. I'm glad they gave the kid something to do...she isn't a presence at all the novel. She's be great in a pirate crew and she'd have such fun and she'd correct people when they steered in the wrong direction.

And Julian, of course, is essential. In any sort of gang.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

I really like that Margaret too. I haven't read the book in almost forever, so she's what I think of. I thought she was really good in the part, but she doesn't seem to have done much since.

Julian would be wonderful. He would miss Paul, but perhaps there could be exchanges between the ships.

[nerdcakes.livejournal.com]

She would break the law. OF GRAVITY.

*gloves on you LIEK WOAH*

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

It is from the trailer! The trailer OF GLORY. Have you seen it? I am quite desperately anticipatory about it.

[yonmei.livejournal.com]

Lawrie Marlow! Or rather, Sophia Lawrence as Errol Flynn! Dude, that is genius.

And she can't load the cannons because they bang at her, and everyone lets her get away with it.

Hee! Yes, of course.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

Oh, we have Marlow and Austen ships! We could either occasionally team up in a vaguely hostile manner or take great umbrage and be bosom enemies. I think that in the right circumstances, Lawrie v. Nicola might be rather terrible and bloody.

[yonmei.livejournal.com]

Hee! We have sister ships. :-)

[sollersuk.livejournal.com]

The main trouble with having oneself as captain is that one can't have the obvious choice on board - Captain Jack Sparrow.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

I think Tiniago had him anyway - and Jekesta had Captain Von Trapp. He could be a retired captain maybe, still with the title.

[sollersuk.livejournal.com]

I would definitely insist on him being on board in some capacity (though I'd probably sleep with my Opinel open)

[tiniago.livejournal.com]

This is a superb crew. I am somewhat convulsed with jealousy that I didn't think of some of these. Killick! Oh, Killick! And Donna! Your pirate ship would be the well-administrated envy of the ocean. And Julian Clary! OMG! And Phoebe. I can't believe I didn't think of Phoebe. I'd belatedly bagsy Ruth and Naomi, but they'd want their own pirate ships, I think. Ooh, and Phoebe and Reese and the fighting and beatings and friendly antagonism and Reese's gobsmacked horror the first time he encountered her. eee!

Wow. Crew love! *applauds*

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

Exiles love hurrah! It is very sad that neither of us really want Rachel. I thought about having Ruth and Naomi, but then I couldn't have had Phoebe, as they would have wanted to get Far Away from her. I hadn't thought of how Reese and Phoebe would get on. Reese would never ever manage to get away from her.

[tiniago.livejournal.com]

Eee the Exiles! Love! There should be an LJ community or something. The Exiles are not well known enough. Or maybe they are, but people just don't talk about them.

It's not that I don't want Rachel, it's just that I'm not quite sure of her role. I would make her cook but she would eat it all. I imagine she's hooked up on someone's pirate crew. Maybe a trifle pirate. Although she could also marry Reese and become cook's wife.

Ooh, Phoebe could teach the other pirates Fishing in a Bucket. They'd need something to do in between all the sex and whittling and pillage.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

Pirates would love Fishing in a Bucket! It's so peaceful, yet rewarding. It would be a good way to unwind from the normal pillaging.

Do you also like the Saffy's Angel trilogy? I like them just as much as the Exiles, although I do miss the presence of Naomi, who is my favourite. I am most like Ruth though. I need to do an urgent reread, I think.

[tiniago.livejournal.com]

I read about half of each of the SA books in Waterstones before the disapproving looks of the security guards forced me to move on and didn't really take to them. They didn't seem to have the same humour. And none of the characters were recognisable to me in the way the Conroys are. But perhaps I didn't give them enough of a chance.

I love Naomi best too. She would be a superb pirate. On the subject of random children-pirate connections, have you read High Wind in Jamaica?

Have you seen Ginger Snaps? It would, of course, be very wrong to write a crossover in which Ruth and Ginger and Brigitte and Naomi pair off for a summer of sexual awakening in America. Very wrong.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

SO wrong that I can't get m head round it in the abstract and would have to read fic to believe it. HINT/ORDER.

They don't have the same humour as The Exiles books, but I did grow deeply attached to the characters, especially Eve, the mother.

Ginger Snaps rocks.

[the_antichris.livejournal.com]

What about Tim? She'd be good at scheming. Or would you be afraid she'd plot to take over?

Also, I disapprove of separating Fraser and Ray Kowalski. Unless your pirate ship plans to capture him, which would be hot.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

Oh, Tim would be good! I forgot about Tim. But I think I'll stick with Lawrie.

Ray V, I think you mean. Ray V forevah! Probably Ray V has disappeared and Fraser is quietly subverting our pirating to get to him.