(no subject)

[slemslempike]

I'd seen the story about a man demanding £5 back from a woman after she declined to go on a further date with him on Buzzfeed around, and then happened across this post (here) showing that he's done it to several women. This includes a woman who, when she sensibly ignored his requests to be paid back for a drink he freely offered and bought, had to involve the police after he tracked down her personal information and threatened to come to her workplace. He is clearly at the very least a wanker of the first order, but that's also stalking behaviour. However, the blogpost from one of the women invovled includes the sentence:

Now I want to make it clear that I’m not suggesting that this man has done, or will do anything illegal or dangerous, there’s still the chance he’s just this bloke who’s a bit over sensitive and we were unlucky enough to catch him on bad days.

FUCKING NO. Why the hell do we have to pander to MRAs and other fuckwits who are desperate for us to see every incidence of misogynist bullshit as a one-off. I can appreciate that the author of the piece is the one who experienced it, and I don't want to undermine her right to interpret her experiences (and also appreciate that she may wish to forestall abuse by aforementioned fuckwits), but when you have literally just described a pattern of behaviour involving pressuring women to come back to a private location against their wishes, badgering them for sex, acting as if buying a drink etc is a downpayment on sex when no agreement for transaction has taken place, and THREATENING TO SHOW UP AT SOMEONE'S WORK, saying maybe it was just that they were "unlucky enough to catch him on bad days" is a juxtaposition of mind-bending disconnect. Christ.

More amusingly about weird attitudes to sex, I saw a tweet relating to the Bad Sex Awards, asking plaintively if no-one just takes their knickers off to have sex any more. There was going to be a poll here but I couldn't get the questions informative yet not too intrusive... so instead I shall just say I have never had this happen, and also I think that I must be wearing entirely the wrong knickers for it, as I can't see it being anything other than uncomfortably constricting. On that note, I do not think I have unusually wide labia (a friend once described them as looking neat like a bookshelf, in fact), but I do sometimes find it difficult to find underwear that doesn't require me to choose which labium to cover.

I keep finding myself crying these past few days. I hope it will pass.

Comments

[chiasmata]

This post wins at everything for many reasons, chief among which is that it contains the word 'labium'.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

It is a pleasing non-plural.

[leedy.livejournal.com]

In the spirit of scientific enquiry I can report that I have never had sex with my knickers on. At least not for the entirety of the proceedings.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your data! So that's currently 2 out of a sample of 2. ONE HUNDRED PERCENT OF WOMEN WHO HAVE EVER HAD a)KNICKERS and b) SEX WITH A MAN HAVE NEVER KEPT a) ON TO HAVE b).

[medland.livejournal.com]

I do not think I have unusually wide labia (a friend once described them as looking neat like a bookshelf, in fact), but I do sometimes find it difficult to find underwear that doesn't require me to choose which labium to cover.

I think that might be the single best thing I've ever read on the internet.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

I am glad it was pleasing - almost enough to think that suffering a weirdly specific chill in the nethers was worth it.

[medland.livejournal.com]

And I'm sorry about the crying, I hope it does pass. xxxx

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

Thanks - I'm not aware of feeling particularly bad generally, so it keeps taking me by surprise. I intend to go on a walk tomorrow and hope that will help.

[bookwormsarah.livejournal.com]

I have been sitting at my desk pondering the practicalities of knicker-inclusive sex and I cannot form a coherent opinion beyond "ouch". Admittedly it has been a while, so I might be remembering things incorrectly...

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

I imagine maybe wispy sort of g strings might be more possible, though I sort of feel if they can pushed easily to the side that they don't fit very well?

[bookwormsarah.livejournal.com]

I now have visions of a string pushed aside at the front creating a dental floss effect at the back.

[ankaret.livejournal.com]

The whole ritual 'maybe he was just on a bad day' disclaimer thing reminds me strongly of referring to 'the Fair Folk' or 'The Kindly Ones' in case they turn up. Except that MRAs really exist, which makes it all a lot more horrible.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

That's a really good point.

Also - even IF you are having a bad day, the fact that that is the way you act when having a bad day is more than enough evidence to call you a massive arse.

[khalinche.livejournal.com]

This is an excellent comparison.

[jossish.livejournal.com]

Ugh that man is vile and quite frankly weird in a not-endearing way.

Was the tweet defining sex solely as PIV penetration? I have had various sexual experiences that have involved knickers being on but it is difficult and unsatisfying if we're talking specifically about PIV and I think usually the knickers came off before too long. You can just sort of...shove the gusset to the side, I guess. *hazy memories of the days when I actually had sex*

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

The Bad Sex awards blurbs were all PIV, I think, so it was based off that. Shoving the gusset to the side is what I think would be uncomfortably constricting - for one leg at least.

[howlin-wolf-66.livejournal.com]

Yeah... I'm a guy, and he's very definitely just an asshole!

*hugs* on the crying.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

Massive asshole all the way.

[motodraconis.livejournal.com]

I've 2 pairs of ouvert knickers. They were bought as part of a set, at super reduced sale prices. Literally, they were the last pants standing.

There's a reason for that. They have a slit underneath to er... match your slit. I've only worn them a couple of times, as for actual sex you usually end up removing them as they are annoyingly chafey, and they're just too draughty for normal pant wearing use, basically inadequate on both counts. The reality does not match up to the theory.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

They look rather pretty otherwise! I have sometimes wondered how useful crotchless knickers actually would be, given that lining up a gusset in a pair of be-crotched pants can be tricky. (I am watching the TV show Outrageous Fotune and they ahd a brief plot point of a woman running an underwear business being sued because a man can injured his balls in their crotchless pants.)

[tabouli.livejournal.com]

How are you finding Outrageous Fortune? I liked it, on balance, though as the seasons wore on I started to find Pascale more and more grating. Loved Loretta, though. And thought they did surprisingly well with their depiction of ethnic communities, much better than they did with their Maori Gods sequence in Almighty Johnsons (which I found quite cringeworthy). Their rich Chinese family and scary Croatians were quite plausible...

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

I am rather liking it - I've only seen season 2 so far. I started watching because I developed an immense crush on Shane Cortese in Nothing Trivial (despite having only disdain for his person in The Almighty Johnsons), and saw that he was in this. I do not enjoy his hair very much so far, but am coping. I rather like Pascale at the moment because I have a penchant for spoilt, mean women in TV, but she can be very one note.

[tabouli.livejournal.com]

Ha! Must admit, I *loved* Shane Cortese in Almighty Johnsons. But then, I have a penchant for the gleefully amoral villain, at least in fiction. He was so deliciously nasty!

[cellardor.livejournal.com]

I saw that a couple of times on Twitter and thought it was odd that the story seemed to change slightly. Makes sense now it's more than one person he's done it to. It's very scary, and while once would be bad enough and maybe just creepy but able to shrug off as an arsehole, this many times gives me massive warning bells. Especially with him trying so hard to get them into his home. Worrying.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

No, not worrying, a completely understandable reaction to "having a bad day"! It wasn't dangerous behaviour! ARGH.

[sinsense.livejournal.com]

a) I have found myself, even in teaching, pandering to a sort of internet-style MRA or conservative, and it's so vile. I resolved last year to be more strident, and it felt light years better. Fight with the MRAs when they show up, for god's sake. (I also realized that preemptively giving them an inch would just prompt the usual taking of a mile.)

b) I can conceptualize shoving knickers to the side for penetrative sex, I guess, but in general for me sex (in even a non-penetrative sense, anything over the line of frottage) is a pants-free activity. My leg would get all uncomfortable, which would distract me from the proceedings.

c) I think maybe there's a weather thing going on, I've been bursting into tears randomly and have seen three other people posting about the same. Weather or astrology or tectonic plates or chemtrails or SOMETHING.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

CHEMTRAILS. That will be it. It may also be sodding party boats until 3am. I am finding the cat very comforting though.

[everthere.livejournal.com]

Well done on your amazing labia. Sorry about the crying.

[khalinche.livejournal.com]

There are lots of great things about this post, but the labia/bookshelves comparison has got to be top.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

It was after I had a cast made of them for the great wall of vagina art project, and then posted a small picture of the cast here. I liked the comparison very much!

[whatho.livejournal.com]

Yes, if people behave like that on their bad days they need to bally well get a grip on themselves. Reminds me of that slogan you see pasted on FB sometimes that goes something along the lines of 'If you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best'. Or, you know, not. What if your worst is throwing aluminium pans in people's faces?

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

There are several people that I would love to whap in the fizzog with an aluminium pan. But I believe that this is what makes me not a very good person.

[spiralsheep.livejournal.com]

Or the fact you don't do it, even though you might feel like it, is what does make you (at least to that extent) a good person.

[tabouli.livejournal.com]

Thinx update: if you do consider buying some, I say avoid the lowest flow type and go for the highest. The Lo-flo ones are notably skimpy around the... uh... crack area, which means unpleasant wedginess and the aforementioned labial issue. The heavy flow pants are much better. Haven't yet tried the medium ones.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I do consider, as the cloth pads I have often slip around and can be annoying. This is definitely useful, I had looked at the different cuts and wondered what they'd be like.