(no subject)

[slemslempike]

I wasn't christened, and don't have godparents. So I don't really know what it entails. Things I know about godparents mostly come from girlsown, where they are good sources of postal orders, random items during rationing, and unexpected school fees. Someone also once told me that in France the godmother (marraine) buys her goddaughter's wedding dress for her. However, I have become a humanist godparent to some excellent children, so I would like some advice.

1) Did/do you have godparents? What did they do for/with you when you were growing up? What would you have liked from them?

2) Are you a godparent yourself? What do you do with/for your godchildren? Do you wish it was different?

3) Have you chosen godparents/equivalent for your own children? What did you expect from the godparents? Did it pan out that way?

I already know my role will involve playing board games a great deal, but it feels like that is not the sole purpose.

Comments

[motodraconis.livejournal.com]

I had a French Godmother, I her role seemed to be to visit my mum for chats and supply her with crates of cheap champagne (she worked at the French Embassy and got a special deal) and to buy me presents.
Later she went off to other embassies around the world, and sent me dolls in the traditional dress of each country she worked in. Which was interesting, I ended up with quite a collection, but I wasn't a doll-playing kid really.

Presents are always good though. Send them weird shit from your travels. The traditional role of the Godparent is to instruct the child in Goddish, religious stuff. You could instruct them in worldish, cross culture, get out there and see the world stuff instead.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

Things from far flung places sounds a good plan!

[sam-t.livejournal.com]

My godparents were relatives of my mum's, who lived four hour's drive away, didn't travel much, were frailer than my grandparents and died when I was still quite small.

My sister's godparents were friends of my dad's who turned out not to be the sort of friends who keep coming to visit when you have small children.

So I think actually meeting your godchildren more than once when they're old enough to remember would put you significantly ahead of my experience of godparents. I'm not sure it's necessary to be very hands-on, depending on your relationship with all concerned, just to turn up and/or send some sort of communication occasionally, and see how it goes.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

Then I am already ahead, as I've known the children for about 5 years now, and see them pretty regularly.

[hfnuala.livejournal.com]

<3

[land-girl.livejournal.com]

I barely remember my two godmothers although they sent presents when I was small; what I would have liked would have been for them to stick around!!! My uncle, who must have been 17 when I was Christened, is my other godparent, and he has mostly been excellent. He gave me ancient Greek lessons and guitar lessons when I was young and took the religious aspect very seriously even though he is an atheist (that is he supported confirmation with a present and attending, etc.)

My mother had a godfather, Douglas, who didn't send presents or cards. But when my dad died, when I was a baby, he gave us a home for a couple of months with his family in Inverness (my parents had been in the middle of moving house) and then paid our flights to Pakistan so that we could go and live with my grandparents.

I have two godsons, born the same weekend. They are now 17. I send them a fairly generous token for Christmas, birthdays and for good exam results, etc. They seem to like me, probably because I made a fuss of them when they were little.

My children have godparents (about 3 each), because I liked the medieval idea of sponsors, but a ceremony that wasn't really a Christening seemed a little bit contrived to us at the time. I don't know whether my family - many of whom are dead now, sadly - would have taken any other ceremony seriously. Now I might do it differently.

They all do different things. Rosie's godmother Billy always sends a nice well-chosen present even now she's in her 20s. She has a good relationship with her and has occasionally sent her money. Ralph's godmother Sheridawn is fiercely proud of his musical ability and paid almost all of his air fare to the USA. She doesn't normally do Christmas and birthday presents but we go to WOMAD together and she made him an amazing meal for his 18th birthday. She does one-off things and does them well. Flo has a secular godmother who puts money away for her and a Methodist godfather who has dedicated two of his books to her.

I'd say board games would be a great start. And just being there, part of their lives. The rest of it you will work out.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

That's interesting that youfrchildren's godparents are all different - it sounds like they match up pretty well with what they want from life.

[land-girl.livejournal.com]

I think there are many different ways to be a good one!

[daegaer.livejournal.com]

I don't have godparents, as my Christian denomination doesn't have that role. I am a godmother to the son of friends, though I suspect that his mother considered me a good choice for fairly traditional reasons and his father did for reasons of sticking two fingers up to the Catholic church (I'm not Catholic, and his research indicated that what was needed in godparents was at least one Catholic and at least one believing Christian - so he worked on his wife to agree to ask a Catholic-baptised atheist female friend and me. Then he spent a lot of time chortling about how he'd put one over on the oppressive, backwards parish priest - who, as it turned out, assumed on the day that the two godmothers were a couple and did everything in his power to be lovely and welcoming, and generally spoiled my friend's fun by being a nice person).

I'm a source of presents and listening to endless stories about boy-things in school to my godson, and at his mother's instruction gave him religious themed presents at his first communion and confirmation. (Kids here might hope to rake it in big time at such occasions, so I was pretty glad she actually wanted me to pay attention to the whole God part of it!)

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

Haha - I like the parish priest scuppering your friend's plans with the evilness of niceness.

I do quite like listening to stories about things, though not minecraft very much, which thanfully has not been too much the topic the last few times I've seen them. And giving presents too!

[girlofprey.livejournal.com]

Our next door neighbour was my godmother, and after we moved house when I was 4 I pretty much never saw her, except sometimes passing through town. My mum kept up with news of her a little bit, and sometimes told me, like when the woman's daughter died, and reminded me she was my godmother. That's pretty much it. I don't even know about my godfather, if I had one.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

That's rather a gloomy way of staying up to date with your godmother's doings. I suppose I have the advantage of already being a distant person so the relationship won't be predicated on nearness.

[girlofprey.livejournal.com]

It is a little gloomy, I realise now. I think I just meant my mum kept up with family news, and occasionally told me it, and that's what stuck out. But other than that I didn't see her, except occasionally, and she'd smile at me. I know other people who got money every year on their birthday from their godparents or something, though. Maybe you could be that person.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

Maybe I could! I don't think that the parents chose me specifically to do that, but I like the idea of buying people's love.

[alitheapipkin.livejournal.com]

I don't even remember who my godparents were, my parents only had be christened to pacify my grandmother...

I have a uni friend who is godmother to another friend's children and her role would appear to be buying them presents (especially books as she is a librarian) and coming to stay at least annually. I would treat it as being an aunt personally. A proper aunt, who keeps up with their lives and is there for them and to help give them a wider perspective on life, I add, given that one of mine was Evil and I would never follow her example (she was in fact, used as a cautionary tale when I was growing up!).

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

Books, yes! Though I do quite like the idea of being a cautionary tale too, but think that that is probably not possible with these kids.

[cellardor.livejournal.com]

My godparents are my aunt and uncle. Two of my uncles? Do I just have two godparents? (You can see it has had a big impact on my life.) I may have to ask my mum.

My family isn't religious and I was mainly christened because that's what you did. Since I'm related to them anyway I don't think being godparents added anything to our relationship.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

I always wondered that about godparents who were relatives, whether it's just the same, or whether it means you get to be a legitimately favourite neice and have something special too.

[medland.livejournal.com]

I've always thought it was a bit redundant to choose relatives as they're already there and have a role. Having said that I did choose my own aunty to be mine, but then I was 33... Maybe it's tradition though, my dad's godmother is his aunty and on his side of the family they do choose the aunts and uncles, whereas on my mum's it's all non relations.

[sollersuk.livejournal.com]

For some peculiar reason (well, actually, she was my mother's best friend) one of my godmothers was a Baptist. The only really tricky moment was when I was confirmed: she didn't come but sent me a really nice Bible.

My daughters' godparents were people we could be sure would look out for them if anything happened to us.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

I hope that I can be someone who would look out for them - not in a legal sense of having guardianship or anything as I am deeply ill-equipped, but definitely someone who would be there for them and look out for their interests.

[netgirl-y2k.livejournal.com]

I didn't have godparents myself, and wasn't sure how involved I was supposed to be with the small humans I am godmother to. I am the humanist godmother to a small boy, and the I-went-to-Catholic-school-that-counts-right? godmother to a smaller girl. My approach has mostly amounted to lots of trips to McDonald's, being able to borrow a small person whenever I want to see a non age appropriate film such as Finding Dory, and not getting annoyed when their parents ask me to babysit after I said that I'd be happy to babysit - something I'm told their other godparents are... less good at.

I still don't know if I'm doing it right, but it seems to ne going well.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, borrowing children to see things I want to see! Definitely there are some good shows, and comedy for kids, and other such films. I am too far away to babysit, and I have never actually babysat so that might be something more for when they are older, but I hope I would heed the call.

[gralyn.livejournal.com]

Reading the comments it's really interesting how many people have non-religious godparents for their children. My sister refused to be godmother to her best friend's daughter because she couldn't see herself standing at the font and swearing to denounce Satan and all his works - because she didn't believe in Satan or God or all the rest of it. She still does the godmother style presents though and sends her a Christmas decoration every year which was a tradition that came from my cousin's American godmother.

My Dad's brother is my godfather and my Mum's sister is my godmother. They mostly supplied presents. My godfather is particularly good in that I still get a card with money in it for my birthday even though I'm 34 and a half!

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

I think it's great that people are able to continue the tradition of godparents in a humanist fashion, for those who like your friend don't feel able to take part in religious formalities around it. I like the idea of Christmas decorations, I might steal that! Or perhaps a winter solstice one.

It is very nice when relatives don't think that their money isn't welcome even when you are earning your own!

[gralyn.livejournal.com]

I agree that it's a lovely tradition to carry on, and like Christmas/Solstice it probably existed in some form before Christianity got involved! I suppose it seems odd to be because I connect it closely to the child's christening and in Ireland, choosing not to have your child baptised is still a bit of a big deal and can cause family arguments, etc.

But I am fully in favour of non-Christian godparents, just as I am a big of non-Christian Christmas!

PS I think you're going to be a great godmother!

[joyeuce]

1) Yes. I didn't see that much of them when I was younger, because my godmother wasn't local and my godfather moved away, and I was jealous of my brother who had local godparents. (His godmother didn't do much though as far as I remember, and his godfather's family were lovely to both of us.) My godfather used to send regular presents, I think, and when I was confirmed he sent a book token and a nice letter which made it clear he felt his obligations were over. I've only seen him once or twice in the last 20 years. My godmother was less regular with the presents but they tended to be more interesting; she was an artist, Australian, and travelled a lot so perhaps had more opportunity. I didn't see that much of her growing up (though I remember a wonderful weekend in London when I was about 11), but when I moved to London, she was also living there, and used to take me out for meals and come to my concerts occasionally. She died just after J was born and I was gutted. I'd have liked to see them both more often as a child, but it just didn't work out that way.

2) Yes. I have three godsons, but only two living. Big Godson is now nine and Small Godson six. I don't see as much of BG as I'd like, as he doesn't live nearby, but I'm in regular contact with his parents so know how he's getting on, and I send birthday and Christmas presents. I see SG a lot more as he and his family go to our church, so I play with him, and again do presents. I'm not very good at remembering, but I try to pray for them both and their families, and for the soul of Middle Godson (SG's older brother, as it happens).

3) Yes, J has three godmothers. Two of them live in London, so she sees them every couple of months; at the moment we tend to go on family days out with them but I'm hoping when she's older they'll take her on her own. The third lives near Durham, so we don't see her that often, but she's the one we've asked to be J's guardian if anything happens to us. They all send good presents. :-) Only one of them has explicitly told me she prays for J, but I'd be surprised if the others don't. And it sounds vague, but I do feel confident in their support for M and me as well as J.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

I like the thought of being a godmother once they're adults too, perhaps doing the nice thing of swooping into a city where they're living and taking them out for posh meals they wouldn't afford on their own.

Good presents are very important it seems! :)

[medland.livejournal.com]

I am a godparent to two kids - one now aged 16 and one aged 3. For the former I saw him about once a week for the first six years or so of his life. I functioned mostly like an aunty. I took him out for day trips, babysat, played trains forEVER, did art projects, took him to the park, bought him Christmas and birthday presents, gave him £5 for the beginning of every new school year (a thing my grandma did for me) and sent him postcards from every place I went that wasn't London. Somehow he liked that last one the best. I've been woeful about the second godchild, stretching only to birthday and Christmas presents.
My own godparents are people I chose myself two years ago. One is a friend who, before he became ill, was very attentive and good about spiritual support and general love and kindness. The other is my aunt who has become twice as auntly if that makes sense, all the things she does before she does more and to a higher level and more so than for her other nieces and nephews. Her own life is v busy but she does text me a lot.

[medland.livejournal.com]

I actually ended up explaining where and how babies come into being to the first godchild when he was about 4. I never saw that as part of the role but did rather enjoy it. I did think I might end up being another sort of adult that he could come to about things as he was growing up, a teenage angst absorber that wasn't a parent. However, they moved, I moved and I saw them less and less. And then it turned out that he has no angst at all, so I'm not needed.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

I am quite bad at remembering postcards when I am places, but I am off to Malta soon and could start postcarding then! And "twice as auntly" is a lovely phrase.

[debodacious.livejournal.com]

My children's godparents are friends who were close enough that we wanted them to feel like part of the family. Some have been very involved with their lives all along. Some less so although all have come up trumps at some point - the least hands on for example have come up with very generous presents on occasion. I have four godchildren - I did presents until their 18th birthdays and will be as generous as I can at future significant events. I see three of them very regularly - the other less so but we are in touch. My godparents were pretty rubbish. One died when I was little; one has not been in touch since I was a baby and one is my uncle and I always forget he is my godfather too. I purposely didn't choose relatives because I felt they already had a defined role in the children's lives. I

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

I hope to see mine semi-regularly, at least - they are in Edinburgh so a little tricky at the moment.

[katlinel.livejournal.com]

I had one godfather who was a colleague of my dad's. After my christening and when my dad moved branches, they lost touch and I never heard from him again. I had two godmothers: one (B) a friend of my grandmother and the second (R) the wife of my dad's best friend who also became a close friend of my mother's. Both of those sent me Christmas and birthday presents, and postcards from their travels. I saw R about once or twice a year as a child when my parents went to stay with them or they dropped in on us (they lived 200-300 miles away, more now). B came to my christening and wedding, but I didn't see her apart from those times. In latter years B used to send me cheques which I couldn't cash because she refused to accept that I did not change my surname when I got married. I used to write thank you letters and shred the cheques. I'd rather have had acceptance of my legal name than the cheques. R is still alive but now has vascular MCI. I am still in touch with her but really only via her husband, who has been really good about trying to support my dad from a distance of 150-200 miles. We did meet up last year, when we had a holiday not far from where they live. After my mum died, R stopped buying me presents for Christmas and birthday.

I am officially a godmother to one niece-in-law. S buys the presents for her from both of us because I told him before we got married that I was not taking responsibility for presents and cards to his family. I should do more to be in touch with her. I am unofficial godmother to two other children (A and V). Unofficial, because neither set of parents is religious but told me if they were, they would have asked me to be godmother. This mostly manifests in birthday/Christmas presents rather than being involved. In A's case, that was because for reasons, I no longer felt that welcome as a friend to the parents, and not really encouraged to be in the child's life. They're local; you don't know them. In V's case, it's distance. I would love to be involved in her life. I wrote her a letter for her first birthday, couldn't manage it for reasons of illness on her second, but might try to maintain that as a tradition ongoing from her third.

[slemslempike.livejournal.com]

WOW on your own godmother not recognising your name. That's shitty stuff.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

I had one godmother as a child. She made my christening dress, and she was in my life until I was about eight when she moved. Later on, another family friend took on the role of Godmother. I grew up Catholic, and so she took on a significant role in my religious upbringing. She was in charge of training/scheduling altar servers, and in the early 90s the pope finally gave the go-head to allow girls to be altar servers, and my godmother encouraged me to do it and be the very first one in my parish. It was a major big deal and it really freaked out some members of the parish. There was quite a bit of pressure on me as the first. I could not fuck up. I had to be twice as good as the boys, and I was never late. And it was kind of cool that she was super keen to get girls in. And it is kind of cool that twenty-some years later it is about 50/50. She was also my confirmation sponsor. But as for her non-religious role in my life, she always gave me birthday presents, sometimes we would go to the movies together, and just chat about whatever. She was like a very sweet auntie. She got me hooked on, Colin Firth "Pride and Prejudice". Massive fan of long frock films. Part of it was that she never had any girls, and she came from a family of many sisters, so it was fun for her to have girl time. I also spent the night at her house the night before I married. (we hung out in the hot tub with my sister, and talked about movies and cake.)

My kids don't really have godparents in the most formal sense. But they definitely have a lot of honorary aunties/uncles who send books, find them to be fun/amusing people and are good role models of potential paths in life. (gay, straight, married, not married, and having interesting lives. Which I think is very important for kids to see.)

I would love to be a godmother. I would be the godmother that people could call for bail money and I wouldn't judge.

[hfnuala.livejournal.com]

I love the story of the night before your wedding.